[with a z] ...
such frivolous things as manners …
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i know, i haven’t blogged in a while. i’ve decided that i am a popcorn blogger; someone that decides to blog when an idea, thought, or reason pops up, in other words, sporatically. i admire people who blog daily, monthly or even regularly but that’s not me. so, today i had a thought…. actually, it’s been in my head for awhile now but i have never felt the urge to write much about it until now. i wrote a similar blog a while back but this one is a bit more simple, straight-forward and to the point. it’s about manners. first of all, let me say that manners are not frivolous. manners do not beg interpretation. unlike many things, there is an unspoken yet globally agreed-on set of basic rules that are the very least that we, as members of the universal society , can do to assist in spreading just a little bit of civility, peace, and respect throughout our world. it is the first and foremost step to humanitarian action. manners are essential in a human society. i do not understand why some people feel like the use of them are optional. technically, i guess one does have the freedom to choose whether or not they engage in mannerly behavior but i simply do not understand anyone who would choose not to. are they trying to make a point that nobody dictates anything to them? are they trying to make a point to the person to whom the manners should be directed that they do not acknowledge, appreciate or respect them? do they have some sort of impairment or disorder such as attention deficit [a.d.d.] that interferes with their memory every single time they need to make an effort?
specific manners differ around the world. however, there are certain actions of primary decency inherent in every society that have evolved for the survival of the species which include peace, respect [funny how that word keeps coming up] and a general sense of just “being nice” that is internally or even externally based, in some people’s situations, that is necessary in the global community. having experienced numerous occasions where some he or she did not even bother to be mannerly, i have come to the conclusion that people like this are either mentally challenged [they simply do not and cannot understand], egotistical, immature, manipulative, or just plain mean. i can no longer give excuse to store clerks who do not greet their customers in a pleasant manner, to friends that fail to communicate at least minimally, to anyone that receives a gift [relished or not] and does not issue some form of thank you, to children that address their parents inconsiderately, to those fake nice people who use tone and facial expression to insult, or to any of the many people out there that somehow, somewhere decided not to practice this basic human survival tactic. in addition, it is my view that people guilty of being non-mannerly should apologize [another basic human survival tactic] to the person to which they acted upon such a way. i have a theory, supported by research [it is late, i will be glad to provide sources upon request later], that natural selection is still occurring. who do you think will be the ones to survive? the mannerly or the non-mannerly? i don’t think the answer to that is even a question. if you do not have manners, you may get away with it for awhile, with people to whom you’ve convinced you have a valid reason for acting in such a barbaric way, but in the end, you will have fewer friends, less respect in your family and community, and most probably, less satisfying marriages and i would leap to surmise, less successful children than those who practice being mannerly . those with manners have succeeded in the first step of looking beyond themselves and it is these people and their bloodlines which will endure through the process of natural selection. social behavior is as important as physical attributes, mental prowess or emotional awareness. there is a song entitled ‘only the strong survive‘. true human strength is a combination of many elements. so think about it. are you mannerly? is there someone you need to go back and make things right with because of your dis-mannerly conduct? do people respect you or have a lowered opinion of you because of your lack of polite ways? do you evenlike yourself? perhaps you need to garner respect for yourself before you can even begin to take the baby step of branching out to be respectful of others. don’t wait; if you do, you might find yourself “voted off the island“.
there simply is no excuse for this kind of rudeness and to me, that is exactly what people who do not practice proper manners [whether they feel like it or not] are; simply rude. i was on a social networking site tonight chatting with a gentleman from yorkshire. he asked me what i liked so much about england in contrast to the united states [i had made several comments to that effect on my profile]. one of my answers was simply manners. to take it a bit further, think of maslow’s heirarchy. basic needs must be fulfilled before one can move on to attaining lesser needs and eventually desires. it is the same with manners. if a person never learns to be mannerly, they will simply become stuck within thier own selfishness and be unable to progress through the social conventions designed for success, fulfillment and joy. i do not know about you, but i would not want to spend my whole life missing out on those things i wholeheartedly admit that no one is perfect; i am sure i have offended a few people in my lifetime and i have tried to make things right, general statement right here and now, i apologize. the thing is, our world is what we are. a lot of people out there are trying to make it better. they moved past this manners thing a long time ago. these are the people that are changing our world. musicians like bono, coldplay, greenday; organizations like oxfam, amnesty international , and conservation international; politians like barack obama [obama's angels]; independent groups like the elders. how does it make you feel to read about all the things these people are doing while you refuse to utter so much as a simply thank you? please, don’t brag about “going green” or volunteering at a homeless shelter if you don’t have the decency to be a proper human first. in summation, i could rant on for hours about this and tell you stories you would not believe but i wi’ll end for now. i am sure you have gotten my point. if you are one of these un-mannerly people, do yourself and our world a favor… look past yourself and start in on the manners. you just might find it brings more to you than you put out. thank you for taking time to read this blog. i felt it was important and feel much better having had my say. good day!
find out about yourself
rudeness, interrupted: are you rude?
helpful hints
dealing
reward yourself
i practice good manners T-shirt
*note: there is a plethora of great books out there on manners; one of my favorites is “Miss Manners: Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior”, but remember, you have to read it, not just use it as a home decor accessory
Tags: ADD, adhd, advice, advise, angels, aspergers, attention, barack, basic, behavoir, best, blog, bono, books, challenged, chris martin, coldplay, communication, conduct, conservation, coworkers, culture, cultures, curtousy, cutes, decency, deficit, dido, earth, England, excruitiatingly, excuses, fail, family, forget, friends, frivolous, global, going, good, green, greenday, guide, heirarchy, helpful, highest, homeless, human, humanitatiran, inherent, international, island, job, manners, maslow's, mean, mentally, miss, natural, needs, nice, obama, off, oxfam, peace, people, practice, president, proper, quiz, rant, rating, relationships, remember, respect, rude, rudeness, selection, simple, social, species, States, succeed, survival, t-shirt, thank, the elders, U.S., United, universal, US, voted, websites, world, you, yourself, youtube
dreaming of a green christmas…
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Tags: alternative, best, budget, christmas, commercialism, cost-cutters, economy, environment, environmental, exchange, fair, family, gifts, global, green, hanakah, holiday, ideas, kwanza, love, meaning, meaningful, nontraditional, organic, presents, quality, recession, recycle, reinvent, renew, reuse, santa, time, toys, trade, world
live for today or the market may crash…
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carpe’ diem!
i hear so many people saying things like “this life is hard, but it will be worth it when i get to heaven”, or perhaps “i’m saving up so i can have a good retirement” and to be honest, i am a bit saddened by it! to me, these people are wasting their lives on something they believe to be there for them in the future. i am not knocking religion or being financially prudent, but what happened to pleasure, to enjoyment? it seems as if so many people simply disassociate themselves from the here and now to focus on the then and later, when, as recent occurances such as the rapid fall of the stock market [and many investments to boot] just stand to show how shaky these future rewards really are. the religious zealot may say he has faith, but can he really know? the struggling investor may say he has put his money in secure funds, but are they really safe? to me, the principles these people are working from are one and the same. placing trust [or faith] in something that cannot be absolutely counted on. what can be counted on? this moment, this second, this breath. don’t put your life on hold just so you can dream of living a full life, enjoying pleasure, and experiencing all the wonders of this world [or the next] later. it almost seems as if some people have an aversion to being happy; like they think something is wrong with it. where did this come from? why would we, as beings capable of living and loving our lives, ever be convinced to forsake that in pursuit of some vague “let’s wait and see” promise? this is just one of those things that i don’t understand and like i said, earlier, am a bit saddened by. i’ve never been one to buy the old “protestant work ethic” or the “streets of gold” visions, but …. that is not why i felt compelled to blog about this. what precipitated this blog was the never-ending stream of whiners, complainers, and self-imposed martyrs that walk around long-faced, scowling at the public and making the sky just a little bit cloudier for those of us who are taking in and living this life carpe’ diem [seize the moment]. so friend, next time you put your good works, or your money away for the future, don’t forget to invest a good part of it in the present. we all need it… and i’m guessing you just might like it – if you can get past all the conditioning and let yourself.
Tags: be, breath, carpe, cloudy, conditioning, crash, day, dead, decline, diem, disassociation, economy, ethic, gates, go, gold, good, happiness, happy, heaen, how, introvert, investments, it, keating, let, life, market, money, negative, of, pavlovian, pearly, poets, positive, protestant, rant, religion, retirement, robin, rosebud, saving, secret, seize, society, stock, streets, to, walt, whitman, williams, work, works, world
twas the day before easter….
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twas the day before easter and all through the house, not a damn egg was boiling, and no easter grass. the baskets were still in the attic with dust, and the kids were insisting that huntings a must. so i in my new shorts, quite white with no tan, climbed the ladder to fetch the baskets per my plan, when what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a tiny brown bunny with a bow in his ear. so i turned off my ipod, laid the speakers aside, and grabbed those dang baskets, pushing bunny aside. then the next morning woke with a boy by my bed, saying mummy the bunny’s been here then he led, me past plastics and chocolates and candies galore!, and smiled at the bunny asleep on the floor. the moral i pray and i hope it is clear, isn’t candy nor peep ducks that make this time of year, but the hope and bright eyes of an innocent child, and seeing and feeling his wondrous smile. so i went in the house and i sat on the couch, and i thought to myself what a bit of a louse, to think children just want all the fliff and the fluff, when seeing some bunny that cares is enough….
(a little twist on “twas the night before christmas, written by clement moore”, by me)
The “Must-Have” Accessory for 2009: Manners (or Michelle Obama, Carla Bruni, The Queen, Cyberspace and Manners)
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...a fine wine should never go unappreciated"
It has been a long time since I’ve blogged. Partly due to a busy schedule; partly due to lack of inspiration. I used to keep an ongoing blog on Vox but it became rather repetitive and, shall I just say, boring. But Alas! I feel like blogging again. What was(is) the precipitous for writing this time? Bad Manners.
Just so you won’t think that I manipulated the title of this blog in an effort to get “hits”, as some people call them, or readers, let me tell you how Michelle Obama, Carla Bruni, and The Queen fits into the topic. As I assume most of you know, the G20 Economic Summit took place in London this week. Basically, the G20 is an international group of political leaders that control almost 85% of the global economy (between their nations). They meet periodically in an effort to forge relationships and combine resources in the attempt to address our world’s many monetary crises. I would say that is a very mannerly thing to do. However, as you are also probably aware, much focus was given to the fashion statement that would be made by the wives of both the president of France and the president of the United States; Carla Bruni and Michelle Obama and respectively. Mrs. Obama has become somewhat of a fashion leader in The States with her signature style of practical and economical, yet fashionable, couture while Ms. Bruni, a former model, delights her country in the latest designer fashions with no regard to cost. I have no qualms with either of these ladies or what they wear. And, if you must know, I think Ms. Bruni won the “fashion face-down” -as the media was calling it – at the meeting in Strasbourg, France. (I did not care for Mrs. Obama’s coat; although I liked her dress, the fabric of Michelle’s coat was a bit busy and a little too reminiscent of my grandmothers nightgown). But all that aside, I am much more interested in the manners that these women show than in the clothes that they wear. I was glad the media made a little to-do about the embrace of the queen by Mrs. Obama. The reason? Manners are important. Protocol is important. And, no matter how dolled up you may look, or how impressive your vitae may be, if you do not possess basic manners then to me, and many others I must guess, you simply fail to impress.
I recently returned from a trip to Europe. I didn’t manage 5 countries in 8 days like The President; but I did see 5 in 11 days! It was wonderful, peaceful and enlightening. I was struck by the contrast in manners I observed in the European people as compared to the American people. Even on the busy streets of London, I did not see people conducting business while they were walking, ignoring their children while chatting on cell phones, or even plopping out the laptop on the local bus stop sitting bench. London seemed much more mannered than The States, at least in this regard. Cyber-rudeness has gotten out of control. Families sit at dinner and cannot even finish a conversation without someone on a DS, cell phone, or laptop. It seems we are getting further and further away from personal interaction and beginning to withdraw into our crutches, so to speak. To make it even worse, there appears to be some kind of unspoken competition for who has the best smart phone, the most technologically advanced camera, the slimmest laptop and so forth. You know what? I don’t care. I think we should get back to using these things for what they are – tools – and not as a substitute for our humanness. Don’t get me wrong… I love cyberspace and all the gadgets that inhabit it, but I refuse to sacrifice my most human characteristics such as consideration for my fellow man, appreciation and thoughtfulness to electronica.
One thing I always tried to teach my children was basic manners. Say “Thank You” when someone offers a compliment. Look people in the face when you are speaking to them. Write a short note of thanks or express your gratitude verbally when you are given a gift. Acknowledge people when they acknowledge you. Be cooperative; not competitive. Remember people’s birthdays. Watch your words… In other words, treat people with respect, consideration and the dignity they deserve. It’s not so hard these days. In lieu of a letter of thanks, a simple email or instant message will often do the trick; however, for more formal occasions, such as expressing thanks for a wedding gift, a hand-written note is appropriate. When somebody calls you, return their call or at least let them know you received it. Don’t present false images of yourself. Realize you are a model to younger people and that somebody may be looking up to you. Realize that with just one negation you can hurt someone’s feelings and/or impair your own image in their eyes. Be honest, be loving, be ready to help and never fall into the trap of thinking that you are better than someone else or the similar trap of trying to be better than someone else. Be happy with what makes you happy. Don’t be so egocentric. Don’t be so selfish. You don’t have to be the best, the prettiest, the smartest, the most admired, the best well-traveled, the cutest…. just be you and remember your manners. People will like you much better for it.
Think about it. Fashion changes, gadgets come and go, we all grow older, but…. manners will always be “en vogue” and in my opinion, if you don’t have them, you need to put them on your “must have” list for 2009 A.S.A.P.
Something to Consider:
http://fashion.mashget.com/2009/04/02/anna-post-manners-fit-for-a-queen/
Something to Read:
http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Manners-Guide-Turn-Millennium/dp/067172228X
Something to Do:
Tags: 2009, accessory, bad, blogging, bred, Bruni, Carla, children, coat, cost, crises, crisis, culture, cyber, cyberculture, designer, Economic, Elizabeth, email, England, Europe, fabric, fail, for, formal, France, G20, gadget, gadgets, gift, good, hand-written, have, impress, impressive, instant, list, living, London, manners, messaging, Michelle, miss, missing, model, monetary, must, must-have', note, obama, occassions, phone, president, Queen, rules, smart, States, Strasbourg, Summit, thank, thanks, the, today, UK, United, vox, wedding, well, world, write, you
was today FREE DAY or something?
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i had an interesting day today. i started it with a long list of errands, to-do things i had been putting off and that had been irritating me – so i was determined to get them accomplished!
first on the list … find some car place to scrape the stickers off my car [which would be a bit tricky with the tinted windows] … but alas! i drove right into “kwik lube tire and auto” and the really nice guy not only took three stickers off my windows, washed the windows, vacuumed the car, and topped off my fluids – FREE… and i have never been there before!
next, i needed to get my car antenna replaced. the volvo dealership had given me an outrageous estimate so i decided to shop around and i found a rubber nubby very cute & really reasonable. i asked the guy who sold it how to install it and he said that usually i would need to make an appointment and it would cost between $50 and $85 for the labor [depending on how hard it was to access and take out my old antenna], but since he had nothing scheduled right then, he offered to do it …. FREE!
i was feeling pretty good by now. i was not only checking items to do off my eternal list, i was saving money and rethinking my position on the selfishness of the amercian people.
next – i was off to the car toys to check out cell phones. i had seen an ad in the paper and thought i might could get my husband and i a good upgrade at a better price than online. turns out we were not quite eligible for upgrades until december, but with a simple call and 2 rebates, i walked out of the store with 2 new and improved cell phones for….yay! … you got it… FREE!
a FREE dr. pepper while i was waiting for my daughter to have her lab work completed finished up my day wonderfully. i have recently sworn off soft drinks but who could pass up this nectar of the gods when it is offered so kindly and ….FREE?
so now you get the name of this blog. i have decided that i liked today very, very much. i think everyday should be FREE DAY,.. it just might be the secret that today’s struggling businesses need to attract and retain customers.or it may reflect a real change in the attitude and outlook of amercian’s due to the recent election. i don’t know but i sincerely liked it …. a lot!
yay FREE DAY!
the evolution of communication
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13.
on the phone.
day and night.
never alone.
17.
letters wrote.
answer back.
exchanging notes.
24.
i’m still here.
if u need me.
pager’s near.
29.
call my cell.
voice message if
i fail to hear.
33.
email ease.
i check it daily
what’s yours please?
38.
i’m still here.
on myspace leave a comment.
clear?
41.
twitter dumb
twitter dee.
one line says it all for me.
44.
just IM cuz
digsby’s my
communi-hub.
Tags: beeper, commication, decrease, digsby, downfall, electronics, evolution, facebook, letters, mail, myspace, pager, phone, poem, poetry, shrinking, society, technology, twitter, vox, writing
difficult conversations or “wait….translate”
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difficult conversations can happen when one ventures outside of the culture[s] within which one immerses oneself. they can also happen when one uses the word one too much in a blog entry lol. so, one would think the key to making these conversations less difficult would be to commit oneself to learning everything about the cultural context of the person with which you plan to communicate. further clarification of the word culture is needed here. i am not referring to the common groups of people or environments commonly associated with the term culture [such as ethnicity, religion, nationality , etc]. i am referring more to the combination of influences and daily habits that become so ingrained in our lives that we do not even realize they are probably viewed by some as unusual and misunderstood or in some cases, not even defined.
case in point: communicating with my mother. i recently had a phone conversation with her [which, with me being a bit phonaphobic tends to make conversation stilted in even the smoothest of interactions]. in this particular conversation, i found myself stopping my flow of talk almost constantly as i realized that i was about to mention something my mother had no idea about and that i would need to translate this into a more familiar and, in her case, less threatening form.
examples:
i began to talk about my son’s upcoming birthday party and she asked me about gifts. i promptly [and somewhat absentmindedly] answered that his wish list was on amazon. she did not know what amazon was. ok.. so translate…. a list of gifts on line where people can go to see them…. but ok translate…. that is is safe and private and that no one that i don’t let see the list can see the list, etc….ok, too complicated, i just brought the list up on my computer and read it off to her. whew! that was hard work.
i told her i had taken a great picture of my daughter. she asked me to get copies made when i developed them. ok… wait, translate…. they were taken with a digital camera, i can send her a dvd… wait, no i can’t, she doesn’t have a computer. i can print a copy out for her, yes, and asked her what size it needed to be…. to which she replied… whatever size you have left. ? huh? oh, ok, wait….. translate. she’s thinking of those photo sets in which one gets various sizes of pictures in a package., next.. me: i can print you out whatever size you need. reply from mom: well, you just do what is easiest. ? ok. give up. i decided just to send her a 5X7 since I know she has a lot of frames that size.
she asked about my son and daughter-in-law and wanted to know when the last time i talked to them was. i told her i talked to my son the other day and she was so excited that he had called me. ok, wait…. translate,…i didn’t actually “talk” to him; i I’M=ed… wait, translated…. wrote back and forth with him… on the computer. yeah, that was good.
my mother is a smart lady but obviously not a part of the intenet culture. the conversation i had with her made me realize how much i still tend to assume others are up to or into the same activities, verbiage, and that i am. i thought i was pretty universal and could talk to and understand pretty much everyone [in english, that is] by understanding their culture and where they come from. in other words, if someone does something differently, that doesn’t make it bad or unacceptable, it makes it different, it is their familiar, their culture. what i need to work on now is understanding culture in a broader sense and that is why i wrote this blog {which, by the way, was another concept i needed to explain during that phone call].
and i wish my mother would get a computer lol.
Tags: wordpress, facebook, blog, children, generation, generational, gap, culture, internet, web, technology, text, youtube, myspace, vox, mother, communication, translate, techojargen, technoese, talking, phone, phonaphobe, phoneaphobic, cultures, computer, conversations, difficult, interaction, wait, expand, im, frustration, email, digital, camera, wish, my, get
