[with a z] ...
such frivolous things as manners …
2 Comments
i know, i haven’t blogged in a while. i’ve decided that i am a popcorn blogger; someone that decides to blog when an idea, thought, or reason pops up, in other words, sporatically. i admire people who blog daily, monthly or even regularly but that’s not me. so, today i had a thought…. actually, it’s been in my head for awhile now but i have never felt the urge to write much about it until now. i wrote a similar blog a while back but this one is a bit more simple, straight-forward and to the point. it’s about manners. first of all, let me say that manners are not frivolous. manners do not beg interpretation. unlike many things, there is an unspoken yet globally agreed-on set of basic rules that are the very least that we, as members of the universal society , can do to assist in spreading just a little bit of civility, peace, and respect throughout our world. it is the first and foremost step to humanitarian action. manners are essential in a human society. i do not understand why some people feel like the use of them are optional. technically, i guess one does have the freedom to choose whether or not they engage in mannerly behavior but i simply do not understand anyone who would choose not to. are they trying to make a point that nobody dictates anything to them? are they trying to make a point to the person to whom the manners should be directed that they do not acknowledge, appreciate or respect them? do they have some sort of impairment or disorder such as attention deficit [a.d.d.] that interferes with their memory every single time they need to make an effort?
specific manners differ around the world. however, there are certain actions of primary decency inherent in every society that have evolved for the survival of the species which include peace, respect [funny how that word keeps coming up] and a general sense of just “being nice” that is internally or even externally based, in some people’s situations, that is necessary in the global community. having experienced numerous occasions where some he or she did not even bother to be mannerly, i have come to the conclusion that people like this are either mentally challenged [they simply do not and cannot understand], egotistical, immature, manipulative, or just plain mean. i can no longer give excuse to store clerks who do not greet their customers in a pleasant manner, to friends that fail to communicate at least minimally, to anyone that receives a gift [relished or not] and does not issue some form of thank you, to children that address their parents inconsiderately, to those fake nice people who use tone and facial expression to insult, or to any of the many people out there that somehow, somewhere decided not to practice this basic human survival tactic. in addition, it is my view that people guilty of being non-mannerly should apologize [another basic human survival tactic] to the person to which they acted upon such a way. i have a theory, supported by research [it is late, i will be glad to provide sources upon request later], that natural selection is still occurring. who do you think will be the ones to survive? the mannerly or the non-mannerly? i don’t think the answer to that is even a question. if you do not have manners, you may get away with it for awhile, with people to whom you’ve convinced you have a valid reason for acting in such a barbaric way, but in the end, you will have fewer friends, less respect in your family and community, and most probably, less satisfying marriages and i would leap to surmise, less successful children than those who practice being mannerly . those with manners have succeeded in the first step of looking beyond themselves and it is these people and their bloodlines which will endure through the process of natural selection. social behavior is as important as physical attributes, mental prowess or emotional awareness. there is a song entitled ‘only the strong survive‘. true human strength is a combination of many elements. so think about it. are you mannerly? is there someone you need to go back and make things right with because of your dis-mannerly conduct? do people respect you or have a lowered opinion of you because of your lack of polite ways? do you evenlike yourself? perhaps you need to garner respect for yourself before you can even begin to take the baby step of branching out to be respectful of others. don’t wait; if you do, you might find yourself “voted off the island“.
there simply is no excuse for this kind of rudeness and to me, that is exactly what people who do not practice proper manners [whether they feel like it or not] are; simply rude. i was on a social networking site tonight chatting with a gentleman from yorkshire. he asked me what i liked so much about england in contrast to the united states [i had made several comments to that effect on my profile]. one of my answers was simply manners. to take it a bit further, think of maslow’s heirarchy. basic needs must be fulfilled before one can move on to attaining lesser needs and eventually desires. it is the same with manners. if a person never learns to be mannerly, they will simply become stuck within thier own selfishness and be unable to progress through the social conventions designed for success, fulfillment and joy. i do not know about you, but i would not want to spend my whole life missing out on those things i wholeheartedly admit that no one is perfect; i am sure i have offended a few people in my lifetime and i have tried to make things right, general statement right here and now, i apologize. the thing is, our world is what we are. a lot of people out there are trying to make it better. they moved past this manners thing a long time ago. these are the people that are changing our world. musicians like bono, coldplay, greenday; organizations like oxfam, amnesty international , and conservation international; politians like barack obama [obama's angels]; independent groups like the elders. how does it make you feel to read about all the things these people are doing while you refuse to utter so much as a simply thank you? please, don’t brag about “going green” or volunteering at a homeless shelter if you don’t have the decency to be a proper human first. in summation, i could rant on for hours about this and tell you stories you would not believe but i wi’ll end for now. i am sure you have gotten my point. if you are one of these un-mannerly people, do yourself and our world a favor… look past yourself and start in on the manners. you just might find it brings more to you than you put out. thank you for taking time to read this blog. i felt it was important and feel much better having had my say. good day!
find out about yourself
rudeness, interrupted: are you rude?
helpful hints
dealing
reward yourself
i practice good manners T-shirt
*note: there is a plethora of great books out there on manners; one of my favorites is “Miss Manners: Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior”, but remember, you have to read it, not just use it as a home decor accessory
Tags: ADD, adhd, advice, advise, angels, aspergers, attention, barack, basic, behavoir, best, blog, bono, books, challenged, chris martin, coldplay, communication, conduct, conservation, coworkers, culture, cultures, curtousy, cutes, decency, deficit, dido, earth, England, excruitiatingly, excuses, fail, family, forget, friends, frivolous, global, going, good, green, greenday, guide, heirarchy, helpful, highest, homeless, human, humanitatiran, inherent, international, island, job, manners, maslow's, mean, mentally, miss, natural, needs, nice, obama, off, oxfam, peace, people, practice, president, proper, quiz, rant, rating, relationships, remember, respect, rude, rudeness, selection, simple, social, species, States, succeed, survival, t-shirt, thank, the elders, U.S., United, universal, US, voted, websites, world, you, yourself, youtube
live for today or the market may crash…
Leave a Comment
carpe’ diem!
i hear so many people saying things like “this life is hard, but it will be worth it when i get to heaven”, or perhaps “i’m saving up so i can have a good retirement” and to be honest, i am a bit saddened by it! to me, these people are wasting their lives on something they believe to be there for them in the future. i am not knocking religion or being financially prudent, but what happened to pleasure, to enjoyment? it seems as if so many people simply disassociate themselves from the here and now to focus on the then and later, when, as recent occurances such as the rapid fall of the stock market [and many investments to boot] just stand to show how shaky these future rewards really are. the religious zealot may say he has faith, but can he really know? the struggling investor may say he has put his money in secure funds, but are they really safe? to me, the principles these people are working from are one and the same. placing trust [or faith] in something that cannot be absolutely counted on. what can be counted on? this moment, this second, this breath. don’t put your life on hold just so you can dream of living a full life, enjoying pleasure, and experiencing all the wonders of this world [or the next] later. it almost seems as if some people have an aversion to being happy; like they think something is wrong with it. where did this come from? why would we, as beings capable of living and loving our lives, ever be convinced to forsake that in pursuit of some vague “let’s wait and see” promise? this is just one of those things that i don’t understand and like i said, earlier, am a bit saddened by. i’ve never been one to buy the old “protestant work ethic” or the “streets of gold” visions, but …. that is not why i felt compelled to blog about this. what precipitated this blog was the never-ending stream of whiners, complainers, and self-imposed martyrs that walk around long-faced, scowling at the public and making the sky just a little bit cloudier for those of us who are taking in and living this life carpe’ diem [seize the moment]. so friend, next time you put your good works, or your money away for the future, don’t forget to invest a good part of it in the present. we all need it… and i’m guessing you just might like it – if you can get past all the conditioning and let yourself.
Tags: be, breath, carpe, cloudy, conditioning, crash, day, dead, decline, diem, disassociation, economy, ethic, gates, go, gold, good, happiness, happy, heaen, how, introvert, investments, it, keating, let, life, market, money, negative, of, pavlovian, pearly, poets, positive, protestant, rant, religion, retirement, robin, rosebud, saving, secret, seize, society, stock, streets, to, walt, whitman, williams, work, works, world
The “Must-Have” Accessory for 2009: Manners (or Michelle Obama, Carla Bruni, The Queen, Cyberspace and Manners)
2 Comments
...a fine wine should never go unappreciated"
It has been a long time since I’ve blogged. Partly due to a busy schedule; partly due to lack of inspiration. I used to keep an ongoing blog on Vox but it became rather repetitive and, shall I just say, boring. But Alas! I feel like blogging again. What was(is) the precipitous for writing this time? Bad Manners.
Just so you won’t think that I manipulated the title of this blog in an effort to get “hits”, as some people call them, or readers, let me tell you how Michelle Obama, Carla Bruni, and The Queen fits into the topic. As I assume most of you know, the G20 Economic Summit took place in London this week. Basically, the G20 is an international group of political leaders that control almost 85% of the global economy (between their nations). They meet periodically in an effort to forge relationships and combine resources in the attempt to address our world’s many monetary crises. I would say that is a very mannerly thing to do. However, as you are also probably aware, much focus was given to the fashion statement that would be made by the wives of both the president of France and the president of the United States; Carla Bruni and Michelle Obama and respectively. Mrs. Obama has become somewhat of a fashion leader in The States with her signature style of practical and economical, yet fashionable, couture while Ms. Bruni, a former model, delights her country in the latest designer fashions with no regard to cost. I have no qualms with either of these ladies or what they wear. And, if you must know, I think Ms. Bruni won the “fashion face-down” -as the media was calling it – at the meeting in Strasbourg, France. (I did not care for Mrs. Obama’s coat; although I liked her dress, the fabric of Michelle’s coat was a bit busy and a little too reminiscent of my grandmothers nightgown). But all that aside, I am much more interested in the manners that these women show than in the clothes that they wear. I was glad the media made a little to-do about the embrace of the queen by Mrs. Obama. The reason? Manners are important. Protocol is important. And, no matter how dolled up you may look, or how impressive your vitae may be, if you do not possess basic manners then to me, and many others I must guess, you simply fail to impress.
I recently returned from a trip to Europe. I didn’t manage 5 countries in 8 days like The President; but I did see 5 in 11 days! It was wonderful, peaceful and enlightening. I was struck by the contrast in manners I observed in the European people as compared to the American people. Even on the busy streets of London, I did not see people conducting business while they were walking, ignoring their children while chatting on cell phones, or even plopping out the laptop on the local bus stop sitting bench. London seemed much more mannered than The States, at least in this regard. Cyber-rudeness has gotten out of control. Families sit at dinner and cannot even finish a conversation without someone on a DS, cell phone, or laptop. It seems we are getting further and further away from personal interaction and beginning to withdraw into our crutches, so to speak. To make it even worse, there appears to be some kind of unspoken competition for who has the best smart phone, the most technologically advanced camera, the slimmest laptop and so forth. You know what? I don’t care. I think we should get back to using these things for what they are – tools – and not as a substitute for our humanness. Don’t get me wrong… I love cyberspace and all the gadgets that inhabit it, but I refuse to sacrifice my most human characteristics such as consideration for my fellow man, appreciation and thoughtfulness to electronica.
One thing I always tried to teach my children was basic manners. Say “Thank You” when someone offers a compliment. Look people in the face when you are speaking to them. Write a short note of thanks or express your gratitude verbally when you are given a gift. Acknowledge people when they acknowledge you. Be cooperative; not competitive. Remember people’s birthdays. Watch your words… In other words, treat people with respect, consideration and the dignity they deserve. It’s not so hard these days. In lieu of a letter of thanks, a simple email or instant message will often do the trick; however, for more formal occasions, such as expressing thanks for a wedding gift, a hand-written note is appropriate. When somebody calls you, return their call or at least let them know you received it. Don’t present false images of yourself. Realize you are a model to younger people and that somebody may be looking up to you. Realize that with just one negation you can hurt someone’s feelings and/or impair your own image in their eyes. Be honest, be loving, be ready to help and never fall into the trap of thinking that you are better than someone else or the similar trap of trying to be better than someone else. Be happy with what makes you happy. Don’t be so egocentric. Don’t be so selfish. You don’t have to be the best, the prettiest, the smartest, the most admired, the best well-traveled, the cutest…. just be you and remember your manners. People will like you much better for it.
Think about it. Fashion changes, gadgets come and go, we all grow older, but…. manners will always be “en vogue” and in my opinion, if you don’t have them, you need to put them on your “must have” list for 2009 A.S.A.P.
Something to Consider:
http://fashion.mashget.com/2009/04/02/anna-post-manners-fit-for-a-queen/
Something to Read:
http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Manners-Guide-Turn-Millennium/dp/067172228X
Something to Do:
Tags: 2009, accessory, bad, blogging, bred, Bruni, Carla, children, coat, cost, crises, crisis, culture, cyber, cyberculture, designer, Economic, Elizabeth, email, England, Europe, fabric, fail, for, formal, France, G20, gadget, gadgets, gift, good, hand-written, have, impress, impressive, instant, list, living, London, manners, messaging, Michelle, miss, missing, model, monetary, must, must-have', note, obama, occassions, phone, president, Queen, rules, smart, States, Strasbourg, Summit, thank, thanks, the, today, UK, United, vox, wedding, well, world, write, you
i really should cook more…
2 Comments
i really should cook more…so i am going to try.
i have so many excuses; time, grocery shopping… i detest grocery shopping. even with the handy site relish!relish! that does everything but combine ingredients for you, i still have trouble pulling this particular feat off. i am not quite sure why. a lack of enjoyment? the time it takes? the inability to control all the other aspects of my life and house while taking the time it requires to prepare, cook, eat, and clean up after a meal? finicky family eaters? i will probably never know the reason. but… because the benefits of cooking in a kitchen highly outweigh the costs, i think i shall try. see there? i am already giving myself an out by including the word “try”. so ok, no, i will cook. i will create. i will feed my family healthy, tasty, and easily prepared meals. i will recondition myself to enjoy cooking and as my family gives me positive reinforcement for my wonderful meals [lol] i shall want to cook even more! voila! i just may do it this time. wait, no. i will do it this time.i figure i should start easy. you know, the way people begin working out. hmmmm… let me think. i did get a new crock pot for my birthday. there’s a bit of history to that one. i used to cook crock pot meals all the time and then i moved in with a roommate in between marriages and lived in the upstairs of her large 5 bedroom house. the only problem [well, it wasn't really a problem for me] was the lack of a kitchen. she said i could freely come downstairs and use hers, but being the introvert that i am, and already having the predisposition not to cook, it was much easier just to go out. this went on for over 2 years. i did not cook at all. perhaps that is where this disastrous habit of eating out all the time came from. well that, and having a spoiled, completely picky food snob for a husband. whose, i might add, mother was one of the most incredible cooks that has probably ever existed. cook? maybe. cook and compete? never. funny, i just realized that most of the men in my family are the cooks, not the women. i wonder if i can blame it on genetics….? ok, back to reality… i need to cook more. i will cook more and i will update this blog to be accountable to someone! in fact, i am going to google “crock pot chicken” as i have ingredients i believe, print one out and go prepare it right now so that we will have dinner waiting tonight and i can enjoy the history channel’s special on 2012. i’ll be back and tell you how it turned out…
i am going to make this [see below]. i should be able to pull this one off! but wait, i’m a vegetarian now, i guess i’ll just go get me some steamed veggies and let the kids eat this. next time i need to plan better i guess. or wait, i could toss some veggies in but are veggies good barbecued? that doesn’t sound good. hmmmmmmm……
Slow Cooker Barbecue Chicken
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 7 hours
Ingredients:
- 3 to 4 pounds chicken pieces
- 1 large onion, coarsely chopped
- 1 bottle barbecue sauce
Preparation:
Put chicken in bottom of slow cooker or crock-pot and add onions and barbecue sauce. Cook on LOW for about 6 to 8 hours, or until chicken is tender but not falling apart.
Serves 4 to 6.
Tags: 4, blog, chicken, constraints, control, cook, cooking, crock-pot, crockpot, easy, eating, enjoyment, goals, improvement, ingredients, laziness, meal, out, plans, positive, procrastination, recipie, reinforcement, self, time, try
the technology of art… or is it the art of technology?
1 Comment
self-portrait with monkeys, freida kahlo, 1942
i love art. i love technology. i have always been described as a rather creative and artistic person. my technology skills are not bad but are limited to use without theory. until a few months ago, i viewed art, and all the disciplines and practices that it encompasses, as a work of pure talent and skill born of creative genius [or accident], but nonetheless, birthed, so to speak, by the unique qualities and attributes of the artist themselves. but then i began to think … and this is what always gets me in trouble … well not in trouble, but shall we say preoccupied with an idea that floats and contorts within my brain until some logical sense of it can be formed? i started thinking about something i love to do. photography. most would call photography an art form. there are art museums dedicated to photography. amsel adams = art. but lately, photography seems to be more about technology than the creative eye. i mean, with the right camera and the right software, anyone can take a damn good picture. what does this mean? should we reclassify photography as a technological process [or even art-form if you want to be specific and buy the meshing concept] … or should we rename what this new photography is and limit the true art of photography to that which is limited in and of itself by human ability and innate talent? personally, i do not know. but, i do know that a lot of previously “special” things are being made ordinary through the addition and/or substitution of technology in art. trust me, i am not one of those anti-technology persons. in fact, i love technology. i love gadgets. i love efficiency. but, don’t we need to leave some room somewhere for something to shine forth in it’s pure, raw form so that we can enjoy those special things again? photography is just one example. need others? how about home decor? ten years ago about 1 in every 25 houses could be said to be “tastefully and artfully” decorated; but now, thanks to whole networks, reality shows, and suburban stores dedicated to teaching the easy art of 1.2.3. “have an amazing house”, it seems that one almost expects a home to be en some kind of vogue if not a carbon copy of the latest edition of architectural digest. in fact, i would gander to say that if most of us walked into a undecorated, simply lived-in, as-is, uncoordinated, un-themed, untidy house, that we would notice it much more than if we walked into the smith home from trading spaces episode 192. it’s actually sort of strange. the un-artsy things are becoming more special than the artsy things simply because they are occurring less and less. this all makes me go hmmmmm. so many examples… music that is not music. not that it is bad, just that it’s origins are not what has been historically considered art. what else? you tell me. i can think of a million things. well, maybe not a million but a lot. fashion. cooking. our bodies. how about our bodies? it seems to me we have become a nation [if not a world] obsessed with learning everything we can externally about everything we have in the past, loved and appreciated because of their internal origins. once again, don’t get me wrong. i love art. i love technology. yes, i do think that there is a place to the two to meet, enhance, and even marry each other… but….. i do wonder what will be left to emerge simply out of human creativity. and yes, to chase that rabbit, i do view the advances made in technology as an art in and of itself. what i am speaking of i guess… are those things that are special just because they are rare and provide us with, from time to time, a different view of the world.
for me, i ‘m thinking of investing in an old school 35mm camera just to see what turns out in my darkroom these days. of course, i’ll still drool over the latest digital slr with the latest advances in technology as well. but, i think i’ll feel better knowing that just maybe, perhaps, there are some things i can create that are, well… just doable by me. if not photography, then i’ll find my art, but this whole idea thing has inspired me once again, to remember to keep a balance and in a world of stepford wife beauty, not be ashamed to be an ugly betty if that’s what makes me unique and human. i guess i kind of miss the unibrow and the monkeys. :/
Tags: adams, advance, amsel, anti-, art, artist, attribues, betty, blog, camera, channel, cook, cooking, couture, create, creative, different, digital, doable, effiency, everything, evolution, fashion, food, frida, frieda, genius, human, idea, ideas, inspiration, inspire, inspired, kahlo, lol, love, many, mexican, monkeys, muse, networks, not, photograph, photographs, picture, pictures, qualities, rabbit, shine, skill, slr, spaces, special, stepford, tags, talent, technology, tlc, too, trading, ugly, unibrow, view, wives, world
difficult conversations or “wait….translate”
1 Comment
difficult conversations can happen when one ventures outside of the culture[s] within which one immerses oneself. they can also happen when one uses the word one too much in a blog entry lol. so, one would think the key to making these conversations less difficult would be to commit oneself to learning everything about the cultural context of the person with which you plan to communicate. further clarification of the word culture is needed here. i am not referring to the common groups of people or environments commonly associated with the term culture [such as ethnicity, religion, nationality , etc]. i am referring more to the combination of influences and daily habits that become so ingrained in our lives that we do not even realize they are probably viewed by some as unusual and misunderstood or in some cases, not even defined.
case in point: communicating with my mother. i recently had a phone conversation with her [which, with me being a bit phonaphobic tends to make conversation stilted in even the smoothest of interactions]. in this particular conversation, i found myself stopping my flow of talk almost constantly as i realized that i was about to mention something my mother had no idea about and that i would need to translate this into a more familiar and, in her case, less threatening form.
examples:
i began to talk about my son’s upcoming birthday party and she asked me about gifts. i promptly [and somewhat absentmindedly] answered that his wish list was on amazon. she did not know what amazon was. ok.. so translate…. a list of gifts on line where people can go to see them…. but ok translate…. that is is safe and private and that no one that i don’t let see the list can see the list, etc….ok, too complicated, i just brought the list up on my computer and read it off to her. whew! that was hard work.
i told her i had taken a great picture of my daughter. she asked me to get copies made when i developed them. ok… wait, translate…. they were taken with a digital camera, i can send her a dvd… wait, no i can’t, she doesn’t have a computer. i can print a copy out for her, yes, and asked her what size it needed to be…. to which she replied… whatever size you have left. ? huh? oh, ok, wait….. translate. she’s thinking of those photo sets in which one gets various sizes of pictures in a package., next.. me: i can print you out whatever size you need. reply from mom: well, you just do what is easiest. ? ok. give up. i decided just to send her a 5X7 since I know she has a lot of frames that size.
she asked about my son and daughter-in-law and wanted to know when the last time i talked to them was. i told her i talked to my son the other day and she was so excited that he had called me. ok, wait…. translate,…i didn’t actually “talk” to him; i I’M=ed… wait, translated…. wrote back and forth with him… on the computer. yeah, that was good.
my mother is a smart lady but obviously not a part of the intenet culture. the conversation i had with her made me realize how much i still tend to assume others are up to or into the same activities, verbiage, and that i am. i thought i was pretty universal and could talk to and understand pretty much everyone [in english, that is] by understanding their culture and where they come from. in other words, if someone does something differently, that doesn’t make it bad or unacceptable, it makes it different, it is their familiar, their culture. what i need to work on now is understanding culture in a broader sense and that is why i wrote this blog {which, by the way, was another concept i needed to explain during that phone call].
and i wish my mother would get a computer lol.
Tags: wordpress, facebook, blog, children, generation, generational, gap, culture, internet, web, technology, text, youtube, myspace, vox, mother, communication, translate, techojargen, technoese, talking, phone, phonaphobe, phoneaphobic, cultures, computer, conversations, difficult, interaction, wait, expand, im, frustration, email, digital, camera, wish, my, get
neural pathways and the decrease of novelty
1 Comment
first of all, this is by no means meant to be a scientific or research-oriented blog but rather an attempt to give voice [or pen] to a thought i had recently. i am sure there are scientific studies that could quantify this thought and draw conclusions to the positive or negative but that is not the purpose of this entry. graduate school, for me, has ended. sometimes a person just needs to think out loud and that is precisely what i am going to do here.
where to start?
over the past few years, i have become increasingly aware of my inability to show or feel either emotional or cognitive responses in a variety of contexts. moreover, when responses are elicited, they do not seem to be at the same level or intensity as they appear to be for others, or for me in past occurrences. for example; i am not easily amused [especially to the point of laughing out loud], i am not impressed by much [be it talent, money, material possessions, art or the like], i seem to have bouts of passion that are single-focused to the exclusion of almost everything else in my environment, and i simply cannot enjoy myself or have as much fun as i see others having or have had myself, in the past.
am i depressed? no [and this has been clinically verified]. am i just a boring person? i really don’t think so [this has not been a lifelong characteristic]. am i perhaps, just getting older and thus less likely to respond to life with the intensity i once did? i rather doubt it given that so many seniors seem to be able to get even more pleasure or intensity of experience out of even the simplest of things.
case in point. i will and can list most, if not all, of the situations that have elicited a strong or more appropriately, significantly measurable [be it positive or negative] response from me over the past (4) years: the birth of my youngest son, the almost-kidnapping of my youngest daughter [ but that's a story for another blog], the turbulent relationship i had with a friend, coming really close to picking up and moving across the country, a weekend in albuquerque with my biological father, seeing italy with my oldest son and daughter [and now daughter-in-law [ who could not be moved by venice, rome and the beautiful cinque terrre?], my son going to and returning from iraq, my daughter’s diabetes diagnosis, i am sure i have left out a few things but these are foremost in my mind and therefore probably the strongest. hurricane ike, which recently came through houston causing horrible damage to both galveston and 29 area counties did elicit a sort of quiet awe, but not the excitement or panic i would have imagined and had sort of looked forward to.
what i am thinking [short of ptsd which could be a possibility] is that perhaps we, as a people and nation, are exposed to so much, so soon, that hardly anything is a novelty anymore, hence, new neural pathways do not form, the ones we already possess are just strengthened. i would posit that is is the creation of these new pathways by totally nouveau stimuli that elicit reactions, at least in me, to the point to where they are significant. for example, you may never have been to paris, but how many times do we see it pictured in books, on television, and in movies? the point being… you have seen it. sure, it’s different when you go and actually walk the streets of paris, but it is my belief that the experience will be muted at least slightly from prior exposure. reading my personal lists above, i find one thing in common. nothing prepared me for any of these things, they were surprises that i had not encountered before, and in several of the cases, could not even imagine myself imagining, if that makes sense. i was never a history or a geography buff so i was so amazed at the places i visited in italy. venice and rome were spectacular, but one place produced a response of feeling and cognition in me so strong i cannot put words to it. cinque terre. and when i think about it, it was the one place i had not only never heard of, but had little if any exposure to photographs, information or the like. i didn’t know what to expect. a new neural pathway was formed.
- cinque terre, italy
sure, i might be wrong about all of this. i may just be demonstrating increasingly asperger’scharacteristics, i may be responding to prior stresses in my life with a sort of ptsd reaction, or i might just have a very high threshold for response. but, i know one thing. the less i know about something, the more i react to it and with greater intensity that appears proportional to the exposure and likelihood of the event in my life.
just a simple thought turned blog.
Tags: asperger, aspergers, thinking, neural, pathways, connections, novelty, stimuli, ptsd, depression, responses, intensity, experience, cinque, terre, emotion, cognition, preparation, exposure, creation, brain, me, mind, aging, psychology, stress, reaction, characteristics
thinking inside the box is hard!
5 Comments
the proverbial box
i have always known that i am different. not necessarily special, just different. it has always been hard for me to think inside of the box, for example. i grew up with absolutely no one in my family of origin understanding me and was often ridiculed or dismissed as precocious and independent, and more than once, i was called strange. i felt awkward in most social situations and was more comfortable around adults than children. to me, most children were loud, too rough, and never engaged in any sort of activity that i wanted to participate in – even though i was their age. as an adult, i continued to hear remarks like “she came from a different mold” and began to realize that this was something i would simply have to deal with – being different.
so what is so different about me? it took me a long time to figure out. apart from some personal idiosyncrasies like not liking water on my face, an inability to tolerate loud noises, perseverating on one topic or project incessantly, interrupting people in conversation and in class, blurting out answers to problems before anyone else had a chance, having a hard time making [and keeping] friends, possessing a very strong need for order, having certain taste, touch, and smell aversions, and finding it a chore to listen to others long stories and/or feel empathy for them at times, i seem pretty normal.
throughout my life these characteristics have been given many names and/or diagnoses and many postulations have been made as to why i possess them. turns out none of them were right… until recently.
several months ago i was told that i had many manifestations of asperger’s syndrome [they actually called it asperger's disorder but upon doing a lot of research i found that it is not actually deemed a disorder but rather a different way of thinking, comprehending, interacting and seeing the world]. basically, my brain was/is wired differently and all of the things i listed above were/are considered normal for someone with this condition. i also learned that asperger’s syndrome is a form of autism and high-functioning “aspies” often do not get diagnosed because they usually have a high IQ and have figured out [by adulthood] how to make their uniqueness work for them. In fact, a lot of famous, albeit often called eccentric people, are believed to have had this syndrome.
Wilkopedia states that Michael Fitzgerald, of the Department of Child Psychiatry at Trinity College, speculated the following were autistic [or aspergerian] in The Genesis of Artistic Creativity:
- Writers – Hans Christian Andersen, Lewis Carroll, Bruce Chatwin, Arthur Conan Doyle, Herman Melville, George Orwell, Jonathan Swift and William Butler Yeats.
- Philosophers – A.J. Ayer, Baruch de Spinoza, Immanuel Kant and Simone Weil.
- Musicians – Bela Bartok, Ludwig van Beethoven, Bob Dylan, Glenn Gould, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Erik Satie.
- Painters – Vincent van Gogh, L.S. Lowry, Jack B. Yeats and Andy Warhol.
and yes, I realize that wilkopedia is not the best [or even a valid] research site but it was the first one to come up when I googled “famous people with asperger’s”, so i will use it this time.
in the midst of this new knowledge of myself, i discovered a single attribute of asperger’s syndrome that explained so much of my difficulty with people in this world, schools of thought and why, the reason why, it is so hard for me to keep my mouth shut [or in my case, my keyboard locked] when i perceive something to be untrue or unjust. evidently, aspies have an overdeveloped sense of justice [i still do not understand how a sense of justice can be overdeveloped].
the resident expert on this syndrome is tony atwood. his site has a lot of good information and links that can be very helpful to an aspie or the people who interact with them.
so anyway, why did i bother to post this? information on asperger’s is all over the web, especially with the recently renewed interest in autism awareness. the reason is simple. since i have discovered a framework within which to understand myself and others, i have greatly improved in my ability to interact with others and allow for “their” differences.
having asperger’s syndrome is not a hindrance to me, my diagnosis [and i am hesitant to use this term as it implies a disorder] has been a significant turning point in my life and the understanding of it a big help.
outside looking in
mod-life crisis
1 Comment
this is a home decor post.
we have recently moved. our last house was decorated in the dark, warm colors that i like with a lot of vintage asian, a few antiques and the usual random starter-family furniture pieces (leather couch, bits and pieces discarded from older family members, garage sale finds, etc). my curtains were straight and tailored and they did a good job of blocking out the light. i don’t usually like light. in fact, i have been known to hermit in the house for months on end. we painted some walls but they were muted and pretty low key… colors like olive drab, dark brick, and the like. when we had to change out the carpet because of my allergies, we picked a deep charcoal color. because we keep our house so cool, some people referred to my house as “the cave”. don’t get me wrong, it looked nice in a suburban, older-person kind of way but let’s just say i wouldn’t like it now.
between houses, we [a family of four] enjoyed a brief stay in very “cozy” townhouse. our plans were to move out of state and like a lot of things in my/our lives, they changed at the last minute. needless to say, we started house-hunting as soon as our lease would let us.
so now, we’re in a new house [new to us - it's actually 25 years old - built in 1982] and i have a new mood. while house-hunting, first and foremost, light was essential. in fact, one of the main things that attracted me to this house were the large and plenteous windows. i did not want curtains. i wanted bright, shocking colors and happy light decor. i found little use for the dark wooden antiques i had used in the past and with a couple of exceptions, placed them in storage. i painted some vintage pieces i found at a thrift store bright red and ordered a crazy, graphic duvet cover. in fact, i really cannot decide if it is cute or ugly but i just know that i like it right now and it makes me feel good.
it’s a rather small house, square-footage wise, but seems larger because of the architecture and open layout. the yard is amazing with orange, lime, key lime and banana trees and a host of tropical flowers. i would love to make it a lot more minimal but with two kids at home, 43 years of memories, and not a lot of wall space, it is a bit more crowded and decorated than i had originally planned. and yes, we need upgrades, especially in the kitchen and bathrooms and some new clean-lined furniture, but for now this will do just fine.
no, i not in the throws of menopause or even pre-menopause. i am not going through an identity crisis and i have not [in my opinion] reached midlife. i just wanted something different and i am still amazed at how much someones taste and environmental needs can change so quickly. i guess you could call my home sort of traditional vintage mod, if that exists.
of course, there was the ghost thing at the other house, but that’s for another blog.
dots and squares and light, oh my!
Tags: home, house, decor, decorating, mod, midlife, taste
chandelier dress!
2 Comments
recently, i have been looking for a few new dresses which will work accross the seasons, be flattering to my figure and perservere accross the ever-changing fashion landscape. i came accross this dress online and absolutly fell in love with it. it is basic, comfortable and a bit whimsical. i am thinking it will look good with navy tights for winter, pumps for a more formal look, or bare legs and strappy sandals for summer.
i can’t wait to wear it!
Chandelier Dress by Eva Franco
Chandelier Dress by Eva Franco (back view)
Tags: 2008, comfortable, couture, dresses, eva, fall, fashion, food & decor, franco
