i know, i haven’t blogged in a while. i’ve decided that i am a popcorn blogger;  someone that decides to blog when an idea, thought, or reason pops up, in other words, sporatically. i admire people who blog daily, monthly or even regularly but that’s not me. so, today i had a thought…. actually, it’s been in my head for awhile now but i have never felt the urge to write much about it until now. i wrote a similar blog a while back but this one is a bit more simple, straight-forward and to the point. it’s about manners. first of all, let me say that manners are not frivolous. manners do not beg interpretation. unlike many things, there is an unspoken yet globally agreed-on set of basic rules that are the very least that we, as members of the universal society , can do to assist in spreading just a little bit of civility, peace, and respect throughout our world. it is the first and foremost step to humanitarian action. manners are essential in a human society. i do not understand why some people feel like the use of them are optional. technically, i guess one does have the freedom to choose whether or not they  engage in mannerly behavior  but i simply do not understand anyone who would choose not to. are they trying to make a point that nobody dictates anything to them? are they trying to make a point to the person to whom the manners should be directed that they do not acknowledge, appreciate or respect them? do they have some sort of impairment or disorder such as attention deficit [a.d.d.] that interferes with their memory every single time they need to make an effort?

specific manners differ around the world.  however, there are certain actions of primary decency inherent in every society that have evolved for the survival of the species which include peace, respect [funny how that word keeps coming up] and a general sense of just “being nice” that is internally or even externally based, in some people’s situations, that is necessary in the global community. having experienced  numerous occasions where some he or she did not even bother to be mannerly,   i have come to the conclusion that people like this are either mentally challenged [they simply do not and cannot understand], egotistical, immature, manipulative,  or just plain mean. i can no longer give excuse to store clerks who do not greet their customers in a pleasant manner, to friends that fail to communicate at least minimally, to anyone that receives a gift [relished or not] and does not issue some form of thank you, to children that address their parents inconsiderately, to those fake nice people who use tone and facial expression to insult, or to any of the many people out there that somehow, somewhere decided not to practice this basic human survival tactic. in addition, it is my view that people guilty of being non-mannerly should apologize [another basic human survival tactic]  to the person to which they acted upon such a way. i have a theory, supported by research [it is late, i will be glad to provide sources upon request later], that natural selection is still occurring. who do you think will be the ones to survive? the mannerly or the non-mannerly? i don’t think the answer to that is even a question. if you do not have manners, you may get away with it for awhile, with people to whom you’ve convinced you have a valid reason for acting in such a barbaric way, but in the end, you will have fewer friends,  less respect in your family and community, and most probably, less satisfying marriages and i would leap to surmise, less successful children than those who practice being mannerly . those with manners have succeeded in the first step of looking beyond themselves and it is these people and their bloodlines which will endure through the process of natural selection. social behavior is as important as physical attributes, mental prowess or emotional awareness. there is a song entitled ‘only the strong survive‘. true human strength is a combination of many elements. so think about it. are you mannerly? is there someone you need to go back and make things right with because of your dis-mannerly conduct? do people respect you or have a lowered opinion of you because of your lack of polite ways? do you evenlike yourself? perhaps you need to garner respect for  yourself before you can even begin to take the baby step of branching out to be respectful of others. don’t wait; if you do, you might find yourself “voted off the island“.

there simply is no excuse for this kind of rudeness and to me, that is exactly what people who do not practice proper manners [whether they feel like it or not] are; simply rude. i was on a social networking site tonight chatting with a gentleman from yorkshire. he asked me what i liked so much about england in contrast to the united states [i had made several comments to that effect on my profile].  one of my answers was simply manners.  to take it a bit further, think of maslow’s heirarchy. basic needs must be fulfilled before one can move on to attaining lesser needs and eventually desires. it is the same with manners. if a person never learns to be mannerly, they will simply become stuck within thier own selfishness and be unable to progress through the social conventions designed for success, fulfillment and joy. i do not  know about you, but i would not  want to spend my whole life missing out on those things i wholeheartedly admit that no one is perfect; i am sure i have offended a few people in my lifetime and i have tried to make things right, general statement right here and now,  i apologize. the thing is, our world is what we are. a lot of people out there are trying to make it better. they moved past this manners thing a long time ago. these are the people that are changing our world. musicians like bono, coldplay, greenday; organizations like oxfam, amnesty international , and conservation international;  politians like barack obama [obama's angels]; independent groups like the elders. how does it make you feel to read about all the things these people are doing while you refuse to utter so much as a simply thank you?  please, don’t brag about “going green” or  volunteering at a homeless shelter if you don’t have the decency to be a proper human first. in summation, i  could rant on for hours about this and tell you stories you would not believe but i wi’ll end for now. i am sure you have gotten my point. if you are one of these un-mannerly people, do yourself and our world a favor… look past yourself and start in on the manners. you just might find it brings more to you than you put out. thank you for taking time to read this blog. i felt it was important and feel much better having had my say. good day!

find out about yourself

do i have good manners?

are you rude or nice?

rudeness, interrupted: are you rude?

helpful hints

how to be polite

how to be polite to everyone

how to have good manners

dealing

fed up with rudeness?

how to handle rude people

reward yourself

i practice good manners T-shirt

*note: there is a plethora of great books out there on manners; one of my favorites is “Miss Manners: Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior”, but remember, you have to read it, not just use it as a home decor accessory

carpe’ diem!

i hear so many people saying things like “this life is hard, but it will be worth it when i get to heaven”, or perhaps “i’m saving up so i can have a good retirement” and to be honest, i am a bit saddened by it! to me, these people are wasting their lives on something they believe to be there for them in the future. i am not knocking religion or being financially prudent, but what happened to pleasure, to enjoyment? it seems as if so many people simply disassociate themselves from the here and now to focus on the then and later, when, as recent occurances such as the rapid fall of the stock market [and many investments to boot]  just stand to show how shaky these future rewards really are. the religious zealot may say he has faith, but can he  really know?  the struggling investor may say he has put his money in secure funds, but are they really safe?  to me, the principles these people are working from are one and the same. placing  trust [or faith] in something that cannot be absolutely counted on. what can be counted on? this moment, this second, this breath. don’t put your life on hold just so you can dream of  living a full life, enjoying pleasure, and experiencing all the wonders of this world [or the next] later. it almost seems as if some people have an aversion to being happy; like they think something is wrong with it. where did this come from? why would we, as beings capable of living and loving our lives, ever be convinced to forsake that in pursuit of some vague “let’s wait and see”  promise? this is just one of those things that i don’t understand and like i said, earlier, am a bit saddened by. i’ve never been one to buy the old “protestant work ethic” or the “streets of gold” visions, but …. that is not why i felt compelled to blog about this. what precipitated this blog was the never-ending stream of whiners, complainers, and self-imposed martyrs that walk around long-faced, scowling at the public and making the sky just a little bit cloudier for those of us who are taking in and living this life carpe’ diem [seize the moment]. so friend, next time you put your good works, or your money away for the future, don’t forget to invest a good part of it in the present. we all need it… and i’m guessing you just might like it – if you can get past all the conditioning and let yourself.

]]> http://lezleevictoriah.wordpress.com/2009/04/23/live-for-today-or-the-market-may-crash/feed/ 0 lezleevictoriah http://lezleevictoriah.wordpress.com/2009/04/11/twas-the-day-before-easter/ http://lezleevictoriah.wordpress.com/2009/04/11/twas-the-day-before-easter/#comments Sat, 11 Apr 2009 19:41:11 +0000 lezleevictoriah http://lezleevictoriah.wordpress.com/?p=311 ]]> twas the day before easter and all through the house, not a damn egg was boiling, and no easter grass. the baskets were still in the attic with dust, and the kids were insisting that huntings a must. so i in my new shorts, quite white with no tan, climbed the ladder to fetch the baskets per my plan, when what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a tiny brown bunny with a bow in his ear. so i turned off my ipod, laid the speakers aside, and grabbed those dang baskets, pushing bunny aside. then the next morning woke with a boy by my bed, saying mummy the bunny’s been here then he led, me past plastics and chocolates and candies galore!, and smiled at the bunny asleep on the floor.  the moral i pray and  i hope it is clear, isn’t candy nor peep ducks that make this time of year, but the hope and bright eyes of an innocent child, and seeing and feeling his wondrous smile. so i went in the house and i sat on the couch, and i thought to myself what a bit of a louse, to think children just want all the fliff and the fluff,  when seeing some bunny that cares is enough….

(a little twist on “twas the night before christmas, written by clement moore”, by me)

...a fine wine should never go unappreciated"

It has been a long time since I’ve blogged. Partly due to a busy schedule; partly due to lack of inspiration. I used to keep an ongoing blog on Vox but it became rather repetitive and, shall I just say, boring. But Alas! I feel like blogging again. What was(is) the precipitous for writing this time? Bad Manners.

Just so you won’t think that I manipulated the title of this blog in an effort to get “hits”, as some people call them, or readers, let me tell you how Michelle Obama, Carla Bruni, and The Queen fits into the topic. As I assume most of you know, the G20 Economic Summit took place in London this week. Basically, the G20 is an international group of political leaders that control almost 85% of the global economy (between their nations). They meet periodically in an effort to forge relationships and combine resources in the attempt to address our world’s many monetary crises. I would say that is a very mannerly thing to do. However, as you are also probably aware, much focus was given to the fashion statement that would be made by the wives of both the president of France and the president of the United States;  Carla Bruni and Michelle Obama and respectively. Mrs. Obama has become somewhat of a fashion leader in The States with her signature style of practical and economical, yet fashionable,  couture while Ms. Bruni, a former model, delights her country in the latest designer fashions with no regard to cost. I have no qualms with either of these ladies or what they wear. And, if you must know, I think Ms. Bruni won the “fashion face-down” -as the media was calling it – at the meeting in Strasbourg, France. (I did not care for Mrs. Obama’s coat; although I liked her dress, the fabric of Michelle’s coat was a bit busy and a little too reminiscent of my grandmothers nightgown).  But all that aside, I am much more interested in the manners that these women show than in the clothes that they wear. I was glad the media made a little to-do about the embrace of the queen by Mrs. Obama. The reason? Manners are important. Protocol is important. And, no matter how dolled up you may look, or how impressive your vitae may be, if you do not possess basic manners then to me, and many others I must guess, you simply fail to impress.

I recently returned from a trip to Europe. I didn’t manage 5 countries in 8 days like The President; but I did see 5 in 11 days! It was wonderful, peaceful and enlightening.  I was struck by the contrast in manners I observed in the European people as compared to the American people. Even on the busy streets of London, I did not see people conducting business while they were walking, ignoring their children while chatting on cell phones, or even plopping out the laptop on the local bus stop sitting bench. London seemed much more mannered than The States, at least in this regard. Cyber-rudeness has gotten out of control. Families sit at dinner and cannot even finish a conversation without someone on a DS, cell phone, or laptop. It seems we are getting further and further away from personal interaction and beginning to withdraw into our crutches, so to speak. To make it even worse, there appears to be some kind of unspoken competition for who has the best smart phone, the most technologically advanced camera,  the slimmest laptop and so forth. You know what? I don’t care. I think we should get back to using these things for what they are – tools – and not as a substitute for our humanness.  Don’t get me wrong… I love cyberspace and all the gadgets that inhabit it, but I refuse to sacrifice my most human characteristics such as consideration for my fellow man, appreciation and thoughtfulness to electronica.

One thing I always tried to teach my children was basic manners. Say “Thank You” when someone offers a compliment. Look people in the face when you are speaking to them. Write a short note of thanks or express your gratitude verbally when you are given a gift. Acknowledge people when they acknowledge you. Be cooperative; not competitive. Remember people’s birthdays. Watch your words… In other words, treat people with respect, consideration and the dignity they deserve.  It’s not so hard these days. In lieu of a letter of thanks, a simple email or instant message will often do the trick; however, for more formal occasions, such as expressing thanks for a wedding gift, a hand-written note is appropriate. When somebody calls you, return their call or at least let them know you received it.  Don’t present false images of yourself.  Realize you are a model to younger people and that somebody may be looking up to you. Realize that with just one negation you can hurt someone’s feelings and/or impair  your own image in their eyes. Be honest, be loving, be ready to help and never fall into the trap of thinking that you are better than someone else or the similar trap of trying to be better than someone else. Be happy with what makes you happy. Don’t be so egocentric. Don’t be so selfish. You don’t have to be the best, the prettiest, the smartest, the most admired, the best well-traveled, the cutest…. just be you and remember your manners. People will like you much better for it.

Think about it. Fashion changes, gadgets come and go, we all grow older, but…. manners will always be “en vogue” and in my opinion, if you don’t have them, you need to put them on your “must have” list for 2009 A.S.A.P.

Something to Consider:

http://fashion.mashget.com/2009/04/02/anna-post-manners-fit-for-a-queen/

Something to Read:

http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Manners-Guide-Turn-Millennium/dp/067172228X

Something to Do:

http://www.lifescript.com/Quizzes/Personality/Do_You_Have_Good_Manners.aspx?trans=1&du=1&gclid=CP_pkIiS2JkCFSQMDQodEAjKWg&ef_id=1350:3:s_ef17335d321cc775e6b42cdbf2f03931_2539968935:IQgEzEGvMaAAAGGTBNMAAAAI:20090404211255

i really should cook more…so i am going to try.

i have so many excuses; time, grocery shopping… i detest grocery shopping. even with the handy site relish!relish! that does everything but combine ingredients for you, i still have trouble pulling this particular feat off. i am not quite sure why. a lack of enjoyment? the time it takes? the inability to control all the other aspects of  my life and house while taking the time it requires to prepare, cook, eat, and clean up after a meal? finicky family eaters? i will probably never know the reason. but… because the benefits of cooking in a kitchen highly outweigh the costs, i think i shall try. see there? i am already giving myself an out by including the word “try”. so ok, no, i will cook. i will create. i will feed my family healthy, tasty, and easily prepared meals. i will recondition myself to enjoy cooking and as my family gives me positive reinforcement for my wonderful meals [lol] i shall want to cook even more! voila! i just may do it this time. wait, no. i will do it this time.i  figure i should start easy. you know, the way people begin working out. hmmmm… let me think. i did get a new crock pot for my birthday. there’s a bit of history to that one.  i used to cook crock pot meals all the time and then i moved in with a roommate in between marriages and lived in the upstairs of her large 5 bedroom house. the only problem [well, it wasn't really a problem for me] was the lack of a kitchen. she said i could freely come downstairs and use hers, but being the introvert that i am, and already having the predisposition not to cook, it was much easier just to go out. this went on for over 2 years. i did not cook at all. perhaps that is where this disastrous habit of eating out all the time came from. well that, and having a spoiled, completely picky food snob for a husband. whose, i might add, mother was one of the most incredible cooks that has probably ever existed. cook? maybe. cook and compete? never. funny, i just realized that most of the men in my family are the cooks, not the women. i wonder if i can blame it on genetics….? ok, back to reality… i need to cook more. i will cook more and i will update this blog to be accountable to someone!  in fact, i am going to google “crock pot chicken” as i have ingredients i believe,  print one out and go prepare it right now so that we will have dinner waiting tonight and i can enjoy the history channel’s special on 2012.  i’ll be back and tell you how it turned out…

i am going to make this [see below]. i should be able to pull this one off! but wait, i’m a vegetarian now, i guess i’ll just go get me some steamed veggies and let the kids eat this. next time i need to plan better i guess. or wait, i could toss some veggies in but are veggies good barbecued? that doesn’t sound good. hmmmmmmm……

Slow Cooker Barbecue Chicken

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 7 hours

Ingredients:

• 3 to 4 pounds chicken pieces
• 1 large onion, coarsely chopped
• 1 bottle barbecue sauce

Preparation:

Put chicken in bottom of slow cooker or crock-pot and add onions and barbecue sauce. Cook on LOW for about 6 to 8 hours, or until chicken is tender but not falling apart.
Serves 4 to 6.

self-portrait with monkeys, freida kahlo, 1942

i love art. i love technology. i have always been described as a rather creative and artistic person. my technology skills are not bad but are limited to use without  theory. until a few months ago, i viewed art, and all the disciplines and practices that it encompasses, as a work of pure talent and skill born of creative genius [or accident], but nonetheless, birthed, so to speak, by the unique qualities and attributes of the artist themselves. but then i began to think … and this is what always gets me in trouble … well not in trouble, but shall we say preoccupied with an idea that floats and contorts within my brain until some logical sense of it can be formed? i started thinking about something i love to do. photography. most would call photography an art form. there are art museums dedicated to photography. amsel adams = art. but lately, photography seems to be more about technology than the creative eye. i mean, with the right camera and the right software, anyone can take a damn good picture.  what does this mean? should we reclassify photography as a technological process [or even art-form if you want to be specific and buy the meshing concept] … or should we rename what this new photography is and limit the true art of photography to that which is limited in and of itself by human ability and innate talent? personally, i do not know. but, i do know that a lot of previously “special” things are being made ordinary through the addition and/or substitution of technology in art. trust me, i am not one of those anti-technology persons. in fact, i love technology. i love gadgets. i love efficiency. but, don’t we need to leave some room somewhere for something to shine forth in it’s pure, raw form so that we can enjoy those special things again? photography is just one example.  need others? how about home decor? ten years ago about 1 in every 25 houses could be said to be “tastefully and artfully” decorated; but now, thanks to whole networks, reality shows, and suburban stores dedicated to teaching the easy art of 1.2.3. “have an amazing house”, it seems that one almost expects a home to be en some kind of vogue if not a carbon copy of the latest edition of architectural digest. in fact, i would gander to say that if most of us walked into a undecorated, simply lived-in, as-is, uncoordinated, un-themed, untidy house, that we would notice it much more than if we walked into the smith home from trading spaces episode 192. it’s actually sort of strange. the un-artsy things are becoming more special than the artsy things simply because they are occurring less and less. this all makes me go hmmmmm. so many examples… music that is not music. not that it is bad, just that it’s origins are not what has been historically considered art. what else? you tell me. i can think of a million things. well, maybe not a million but a lot. fashion. cooking. our bodies. how about our bodies? it seems to me we have become a nation [if not a world] obsessed with learning everything we can externally about everything we have in the past, loved and appreciated because of their internal origins. once again, don’t get me wrong. i love art. i love technology. yes, i do think that there is a place to the two to meet, enhance, and even marry each other… but….. i do wonder what will be left to emerge simply out of human creativity. and yes, to chase that rabbit, i do view the advances made in technology as an art in and of itself. what i am speaking of i guess… are those things that are special just because they are rare and provide us with, from time to time, a different view of the world.

for me, i ‘m thinking of investing in an old school 35mm camera just to see what turns out in my darkroom these days. of course, i’ll still drool over the latest digital slr with the latest advances in technology as well. but, i think i’ll feel better knowing that just maybe, perhaps, there are some things i can create that are, well… just doable by me.  if not photography, then i’ll find my art, but this whole idea thing has inspired me once again, to remember to keep a balance and in a world of stepford wife beauty, not be ashamed to be an ugly betty if that’s what makes me unique and human. i guess i kind of miss the unibrow and the monkeys. :/

i have been thinking about the practice of labeling humans and turning it around and over in my mind and so i thought i’d throw down a blog about it.

first, let’s look at the word label

Label Definition

la·bel (lā′bəl)

noun

1. Archaic
   1. a narrow band of cloth, etc.; fillet
2. a card, strip of paper, etc. marked and attached to an object to indicate its nature, contents, ownership, destination, etc.
3. a descriptive word or phrase applied to a person, group, theory, etc. as a convenient generalized classification
4. ☆ an identifying brand, as of a company producing recorded music

for the purpose of this blog, i shall be referring to the definition of label as seen in no. 3 above : a descriptive word or phrase applied to a person, group, theory, etc. as a convenient generalized classification

as previously stated, i have been thinking a lot about labels. all kinds of labels. the kind that one finds on products. the kind one uses as an instruction. and the kind that are also applied to people.

from my experience, most people do not seem to have a problem with the first two types that i mentioned. we welcome these abbreviated, yet concise, holders of information.

• without a label, how would we know what size the sweater was? we might be able to figure it out after some experimentation and  time, but why go to all that trouble?

• without a label (usually referred to as signs), how would we know where were going while on holiday? we might be prone to travel form place to place referring to points of geography as “that town” or “this place”; hardly an efficient way to communicate or to travel.

• without a label, how would we know what point of the day or hour we might find ourselves enjoying? isn’t the numerical system we apply to time simply another form of labeling

point, is. just about everything we use to communicate with is some form of label, including the words you are reading right now. so, what seems to be the problem with using “labels” to  aid  in the description of a characteristic type of person? if we go by our definition that a label is a “generalized classification” then perhaps the problem people have with being “labeled” is that of non-specificity. Furthermore, one might see an avoidance of human labeling as an attempt to retain the right to change at any given point of time or will.

If this is the case, it is my opinion that one might just be taking the word [or the label] much too seriously. Don’t forget the purpose of labels – for information and guidance. Can labels be wrong? Yes, of course, but more times than not they are helpful. Helpful in allowing the human mind to form a sort of rough draft within which to expect certain behaviors, actions, etc. The word rough is very important here. All a label, when applied to a human being, implies, is that that human being shares a lot of the characteristics of a group of other human beings – which – does not necessarily mean they share all or even the same attributes varied within the defined group.

approached like this [viewing labels as a cognitive framework rather than a complete description] the concept of labeling might not seem quite so restrictive to those who tend to view it as such. in fact, if one wants to communicate the essence of their true selves as efficiently and with as much precision as possible, one might actually encourage as much labeling as possible through self-assessment, social feedback and professional opinion. in other words, the closer we are to the target at the start, the easier it should be to locate.

so, yeah, i am pro-labeler [if that word exists]. not for the purposes of lumping a bunch of people together to strip their personal differences but to have as many tools at my disposal as possible to aid in the understanding of who a person really is, which is most always much wider and variant than the label[s] suggest. to me, a label is merely a signpost steering me in the best direction to understand and communicate efficiently with another person.

danger can occur when people begin to see the individuals whose statistics, when put together, form a subset of the population, and that subset is given a name [or label] and that label is given a definition, and each unique member of the subset is defined solely by that label. this is not only morally wrong, but bad science. no statistical study is ever without it’s margin of error and/or statistical outliers.

so…. next time you observe yourself or someone else reacting to some human label  [and it is interesting that some have negative connotations simply put there by bad interpretation] … think of the real definition of a label, it’s intention, and perhaps even, how it can be utilized toward a positive end.

i had an interesting day today. i started it with a long list of errands, to-do things i had been putting off and that had been irritating me – so i was determined to get them accomplished!

first on the list … find some car place to scrape the stickers off my car [which would be a bit tricky with the tinted windows] … but alas! i drove right into “kwik lube tire and auto” and the really nice guy not only took three stickers off my windows, washed the windows, vacuumed the car, and topped off my fluids – FREE… and i have never been there before!

next, i needed to get my car antenna replaced. the volvo dealership had given me an outrageous estimate so i decided to shop around and i found a rubber nubby very cute & really reasonable. i asked the guy who sold it how to install it and he said that usually i would need to make an appointment and it would cost between $50 and $85 for the labor [depending on how hard it was to access and take out my old antenna], but since he had nothing scheduled right then, he offered to do it …. FREE!

i was feeling pretty good by now. i was not only checking items to do off my eternal list, i was saving money and rethinking my position on the selfishness of the amercian people.

next – i was off to the car toys to check out cell phones. i had seen an ad in the paper and thought i might could get my husband and i a good upgrade at a better price than online. turns out we were not quite eligible for upgrades until  december, but with a simple call and 2 rebates, i walked out of the store with 2 new and improved cell phones for….yay! … you got it… FREE!

a FREE dr. pepper while i was waiting for my daughter to have her lab work completed finished up my day wonderfully. i have recently sworn off soft drinks but who could pass up this nectar of the gods when it is offered so kindly and ….FREE?

so now you get the name of this blog. i have decided that i liked today very, very much. i think everyday should be FREE DAY,.. it just might be the secret that today’s struggling businesses need to attract and retain customers.or it may reflect a real change in the attitude and outlook of amercian’s due to the recent election. i don’t know but i sincerely liked it …. a lot!

yay FREE DAY!